!!!Joyspired!!!

((Joyful+Insipred=Joyspired))

Today is a drop dead glorious day-

outside in the world/sky/atmosphere

and inside in my heart/mind/froliccontrolcenter.

Shoot my goodness I feel overflowful with joy!!!

This morning started with a meeting with my spiritual director Sum Yu.

It was the fourth time we've met and she is an absolute gem.

It was such a good time to reflect on the things I am learning, 

and trace the specific ways that Lord has answered 

my prayers this semester. 

I'm growlearning so much!!

:::

~God's forgiveness is stronger than my ability to fix myself~

 ((which is like negative weak in comparison))

~There is SO MUCH FREEDOM in this forgiveness~

John 8:36 "So if the Son sets you free you are free indeed." 

~He cares about my whole self, all of my heart, and not just the "spiritual" things~

~Relating to God special and deserves specific time~

~Intentional quiet time listening in God's presence is so fulfilling and peaceful~

The last week and a half have been a huge time of cross-reflection. 

((Pish Posh Spaghetti Squash)) I didn't spend very much time reflecting/preparing for Easter 

which makes me sad

but I am thankful for the ways the reality of Christ's death and forgiveness

 have continued to rock me post Easter. 

((WOOT WOOT halla halla))

Rubix Cube Heart

As of yesterday I have become completely obsessed with one thing.

Solving a Rubix Cube. 

Oh my goodness, these things are so stinkin' addictive!!

My hands feel naked now if I don't have a cube in them. 

Last night was a really hard night. 

I felt overwhelmed and discouraged and anxious. 

I've been wrestling with and truly rocked by some deep habits of my heart and life. 

There are so many things that I am seeing that require much change. 

BLEH!!!

Last night was just a time of feeling through so much that was deep down as a result of frustrations with this big fat process. 

I knew as I was attempting to fall asleep that I was going to have a dream about a Rubix Cube.

I just knew it. 

The falling asleep thing was really tough because my mind and heart seemed to be racing each other to see which could drive me crazier... 

So as a po danking result I had a Rubix Cube Heart dream.

I quite literally dreamt that each thing I am struggling with and pushing

 into, each emotion that I was feeling existed as a different color on the cube. 

The cube was SO MESHED up. 

Reds were awfully mixed in with blues and
yellows and oranges and...you get the picture.

My dream self tried fumbling with it, putting it all back together. 

But I couldn't do it.

((apparently my dream self can't solve the cube yet either))

In my dream, I remember just letting go. 

I knew it wasn't something I could figure out or put back the way it was supposed to.

The dream didn't resolve itself but I'm pretty sure there's only one mastermind of this cube.

I think only the creator of my rubix cube heart can make it right. 

I love my Jesus and my Father in heaven who has some RAD rubix cubing skills.

I'm humbly praying that he will be able to make something beautiful out of it.

((no longer puzzled is this crazy heart))

Grace & Wite-Out

I had a friend in fifth grade named Kim. 

She always always ALWAYS used wite-out 

((hello perfectionistic 11 year old!!!))

It looked like this

I stuck to pencils around that time of my life due to my passionate 

love for a perfectly sharpened writing utensil.

But I harbored hidden jealousies for Kim's wite-out...

Flash forward to my college shopping adventures last August...at the top of my list was 

WITE-OUT!!

And let me tell you I have been using and OVERUSING stuff. I got one just like Kim's, the rolly kind and I have made a few mistakes on purpose just so I could white them out and and rewrite the same thing...such is the life of a wite-out fanatic. 

I feel like wite-out is most often reflective of the human kind of grace...

I am willing to "white out" the faults or sins of my fellow people when they sin against me...

but I do not forget this hurt. 

((HELLO white out is SO obvious when used, it practically SCREAMS that it is hiding a fault)).

That's so GROSS!!

I am so DEEPLY grateful that God's grace is SO MUCH GREATER!!

Christ is in no way like wite-out...

He rips up the paper that has been tarnished by mistake, by sins of the flesh and mind

and gives me a fresh one. 

Here's to starting over and forgiving like CRAZY!!

((a fresh start for this sinful girl is indeed welcomed!!!!))